saying goodbye

saying goodbye is hard. 

saying goodbye forever is heartbreaking. 

today, my heart is broken. 

15 days ago i went to see my nana. i went into our visit knowing it would probably be the last time i would see her. i knew she was nearing the end so i prepared myself. i wanted to make sure i had the chance to say goodbye. to thank her. to tell her i loved her. 

it was so sad, yet incredibly peaceful. she was in her own bed, in her own home, being taken care of by her own children. 

i left that night feeling at peace in a truly heartbreaking situation. i know she heard me. she may not have been able to verbalize it, but i believe in my heart she knew i was there.

she fell asleep that night and did not wake up. 

i am heartbroken knowing that i will not see her again. 

i am fulfilled knowing that she is all around me. she is in the quilts she made my girls. she is in the chairs she recovered in my dining room, she is in the countless memories i have of her cooking in my kitchen. 

i am grateful for the nearly 35 years i had with her. 

she was smart. 

she was tough.

she was independent. 

she was beautiful inside and out. 

she was my nana and i will miss her dearly.